Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?

We’ve all been there saying something and immediately wishing we could take it back. Or focusing endlessly on one small mistake, even after doing ten things right.

But why is it that we often treat ourselves more harshly than we would ever treat a friend?

Let me share a recent example. I was filling out forms on what appeared to be a legitimate website. Everything seemed fine—until I clicked the payment button. Within seconds, I received alerts from my bank warning me that I’d been scammed. I quickly confirmed the fraud, canceled my card, and fortunately, suffered no real harm beyond the inconvenience  of updating my account information.

The real damage? My inner dialogue.

How could I be so careless? What was I thinking? Why didn’t I notice the red flags?The self-talk spiraled from frustration into self-criticism.

That experience made me stop and reflect: Why am I so unforgiving with myself? Why do I expect perfection?

The truth is, our self-talk plays a powerful role in shaping how we grow and move forward. And sometimes, it’s the very thing that holds us back. Here are three simple yet impactful practices that can help shift that internal dialogue:

1. Be aware of your self-talk. Speak to yourself the way you would encourage a close friend—with kindness, understanding, and compassion.

   
   

2. Accept imperfection. We all make mistakes. Remind yourself that being human means learning as you go.

   
   

3. Practice self-forgiveness. Don’t dwell on missteps. Acknowledge them, learn from them, and move on.

   
   

For many of us, changing how we speak to ourselves can be incredibly difficult—especially if past experiences have shaped a harsh inner critic. But it’s not impossible.

If you're finding it tough to change your self-talk, consider working with a life coach at Two Ten Coaching. We’ll help you build strategies, set personal goals, and stay accountable as you learn to take control of your thoughts—and grow from them.

Gary Thomas, the Christian author, shared a powerful reminder: 

"When I am my biggest critic, God is my loudest encourager.”